Feeling Noddy

“Step right up to the biggest jumble sale this side of Reading!” A barker called on passersby towards an assortment of seller stalls hastily assembled in Prospect Park [the UK one, not the one in New York]. “We’ve got everything that you might want from VHS tapes to doilies.” His accurate statement about the goods on offer actually drove customers away. “They’re really nice doilies like the ones your aunt owns.” The sudden drop in sales was enough for a seller to dash over in a damage control effort. The seller handed the barker a hastily-prepared speech to read off. “I’ve been handed a statement saying that the doilies are cursed. Anyone who is given the products after purchase WILL have extreme misfortune. Only the very brave will dare to possess these items!” An appeal to fear and superstitious belief will always prompt consumer interest.

“That should keep the nasties busy.” The seller, an older woman in an outfit combining elements of a witch with a hippy, made her way back to her stall ahead of the customers rushing other sellers for ‘demon doilies’. Unlike her contemporaries, who were selling random trinkets on borrowed folding tables, this seller brought an elaborate collapsible stand resembling a pop-up store to the jumble sale. “The real magic lies with intent.” Much to her dismay, two boys were stuffing a bag full of whatever they could grab. “What are you doing?” She sternly yelled towards the boys. “May a wolf manifest before you to put an end to your ways!”

“A wolf? Make a real threat.” One boy stuffing the backpack hardly seemed scared. “They’re all behind cages here, ya tosser!”

The second boy pulled on the bag full of the ill-gotten loot. “Check our Facebook marketplace page if you want your smelly crap back!” They started to walk away looking back towards the seller to gloat in their ‘victory’. However, they failed to notice Zeydaan, Zey for short, walking towards them. Zey, like most anthropomorphic wolves, adopted some degree of ‘bargain forging’ to sate the hunting instinct. The boys bumped into the wolf soon enough. “Watch where you’re…” A wolf had appeared in accordance to the seller’s warning! “Wolf!” In a panic, the boy carrying the backpack dropped it to the ground. “Keep it! I don’t even want it!”

“Huh?” Zey motioned for the boys to leave; prompting the boys to run deep into the wooded section of the park. “I think those kids looked a bit old for playing ‘pirate’ or whatever that was.” Curious, Zey examined the bag because something about it smelled ‘off’. The wolf didn’t have the ‘nose for drugs’ their uncle did, but the canine instinct kicked in. The offending smells belonged to a Mountain Dew-infused candle and abnormal smelling salts. An older woman approached Zey. “Miss, did they steal these…” What would be a polite phrase to use? “unique items from you?”

“Yes, I thank you for answering my wish, Mr. Wolf. You may call me Madam Macabre.” Macabre took possession of the backpack to take stock of the items. “You saved me nearly £400 in potential profits. I do believe that deserves a reward.”

“Mr. Wolf is my father and I’m kinda well… doing my own thing in terms of gender.” Zey corrected Macabre’s presumption name reference. “Call me Zeydaan or Zey for short.” The prospect of a reward was enticing, yet Zey knew the shapeshifter scene well enough to spot a potential trap. “I’m somewhat of a transformation junkie, Madam Macabre.” They showed off a transformation equivalent to a nicotine patch under a patch of fur. “I’m on probation after one of my forms created a major disturbance.”

Macabre raised her index finger towards her chin. “May I ask what happened?” She intentionally avoided addressing the shapeshifting mention because onlookers were listening in. “We could talk about it in my stall if you’d prefer the privacy.” Macabre casted an influence spell to distract the people listening in. “I’ve heard that buying old paperback books reverses aging.” The nearby book-centric seller was nearly overwhelmed in the ensuing frenzy.

Zey casually looked over Macabre’s wares while Macabre returned the stolen items to their respective positions. “It was a Friday night at the pub. A few pints in, I decide that I want to make the whole place laugh. I wake up the next morning dressed as a clown in the middle of a bank.” Zey idly spun a standing globe. “Six months probation on the condition I don’t transform during the sentence.”

“We all make mistakes from time to time.” Macabre wound a key on a small box adorn in esoteric runes. “Would you like your reward to be an erasure of that incident?”

“No because it means that I’d be caught in a different circumstance without necessarily meeting you. I might end up turning into an animatronic OR a cybernetic space dragon instead.” Zey scoured the selection of VHS tapes for an easy ‘out’ from the situation. There was no telling how Macabre might try to push a transformation. “I’ll pick a tape because I do need to get going to my job at National Insurance and Tax Prep.” All the fun of insurance AND taxes combined together in a grey blob of inevitability! Curiously, the end labels on the tapes suggested rather absurd items. Chris Farley dub of Shrek? Polybius episode of Bad Influence!? A tape only marked End of Mr. Blobby? “Huh, I’ve never seen this.” Zey pulled a tape marked ‘Noddy and the Surprise Holiday’ to examine it more closely. Granted, Zey was a pup the last time seeing the series, but the episode title wasn’t one Zey remembered. “Huh, I never saw this story.”

“Not many people…” Macabre stopped herself after the earlier faux pas. “That is the proper term for anthros, right?” Zey nodded, still looking over the tape’s rather pedestrian BBC production case. “Not many people have seen selections from the Lost Media shelf. If that is your selection, feel free to take it.” She silently mouthed a binding spell. “My one condition is that you don’t turn around to sell it immediately.”

“I was simply looking.” Zey put the tape back onto the shelf frantically. The wolf blushed deeply feeling embarrassed that a piece of children’s media grabbed their attention. Zey turned towards a hat rack feigning excitement for the item. “Golly! I’ve been looking for a hat rack for years!” An obnoxious buzzing noise rang in Zeydaan's ears. “Uggh… I bloody hate dog whistles.”

“Zey, the only person you’re deceiving is yourself.” Macabre opened the small box to reset the psychic lie detector. “Why are you giving up a chance at something you actually want? Be truthful or the ringing starts again.”

“I’m too old for watching Noddy in Toyland episodes. His world would be exactly as I remember it while mine is much more complicated. Noddy gets into his car for adventure; I get into my car to sell insurance on taxes and collect taxes on insurance.” Zey took hold of the Noddy tape again. “I’m holding the tape. May I leave?”

Macabre walked over to a miniature piano on the other side of the stall. “The tape alone is hardly a show of gratitude.” She played a few keys to open a concealed compartment within the piano’s base. “Every item waits for the right customer.” Zey could see that the compartment held a 90’s-era Noddy doll prop. “I’ll put it in the backpack to save you the odd looks.” She loaded the doll prop into the discarded backpack. “Is that a sufficient reward?”

“Thanks, Madam Macabre.” Zey placed the tape into the bag, zipping it closed in an effort to obscure the contents entirely. “Good luck selling your unique items.” Zey carried out the backpack from the jumble sale towards where their car was parked. “Nothing she said required me to rush home to watch the tape.” Popping open the Volkswagen Golf’s boot, Zey placed the backpack in out of sight. “No good deed goes unpunished.” Zey slammed the car boot closed. “It’s time to put on the tie.”

Zeydaan's work day mostly centered upon driving contracts from the office to clients and vice-versa. One client’s insistence on transparency forced the wolf to give the person a free ride to the office and back home. Despite Zeydaan's supervisor insisting that the firm would compensate for petrol, Zey knew already that they were left a lone wolf on that front. Disaster struck at a traffic light stop one block away from the last stop of the day: Lord Misery signed the papers in the acting agent box rather than the one meant for regional managing supervisor. “I’m going to need to issue an entirely new policy. Bloody hell!” Zey howled in a primal way. “Somehow it will be my fault…”

Many hours later, Zey returned to their apartment carrying the backpack and the stress of a ‘double-overtime’ day. “I blew my ‘order-in dinner’ budget for the month on petrol today.” Zey dropped the bag, back kicked the front door closed and searched for the fastest microwave meal option. A Tesco special curry dinner promised ‘freezer to feast in 90 seconds’, which was all Zey needed to read. “This is the life!” Zey sarcastically celebrated the soggy, mushy meal a few minutes later. “Who needs Luna Nova Magical Academy when you can have microwave curry?” Squeezing the transformation patch gave Zey enough of a jolt to temporarily alter taste bud sensitivity to eat the sloppy curry. “At least that’s the worst that could happen tonight.”

Naturally, things became worse the moment Zey attempted to turn on the television. A service message on the television mentioned an irregularity in service and a QR code for accessing support on-line. Zey pulled their phone out from a ‘fur-blend’ concealed pocket to scan the code, yet discovered that the mobile network and internet were down in the area. None of the communications infrastructure groups responded to house calls at night unless something was already in the process of exploding. “The gremlins outdid themselves tonight. I actually need to use my DVDs again.”

Zey, like most people of a certain age, had grown accustomed to the convenience of streaming most content on a whim. The layer of dust on the DVD shelf was thick enough to obscure most of the title spines on display. “I missed a spot last time as Isabella. She’ll need to wait until the end of next month to tidy the place up.” The technological paralysis likely extended to the rest of the apartment building, right? If Zeydaan's services were out, then that meant the entirely tech-dependent people were likely too busy to notice something embarrassing. “If the tape works, I’ll watch to the end.” Zey rationalized watching the lost episode for background noise that didn’t require intensive dusting. In truth, the VCR attached to Zeydaan's TV remained there because they forgot to remove it the last time they changed out TV.

Meanwhile, inside of the bag, Noddy attempted to make sense of his surroundings. The encased fabric suggested the location to be an artificial cave or a deflated hot air balloon of some sort. “Huh? What is this place?” The tape, featuring a promotional image of Noddy, loomed almost like a monolith compared to the doll. “Is that my reflection?” Noddy’s silly dance failed to replicate on what he thought to be a mirror. “It must be broken.”An unseen giant lifted up the strange place, jostling the tape to fall onto Noddy. The ceiling opened, a terrifying unzipping noise, ahead of a menacing fur-covered hand descending to grab the monolith off from Noddy. This unintentional offering seemed enough to sate the giant’s probable hunger.

Zey loaded the tape into the VCR and put the TV into the appropriate video mode while the tape reels spun up. Production credits before the episode started suggested that the tape was something lost on the way to editing instead of a creepypasta hoax. At this point, Zey would have been fine watching a crappy GoAnimate-generated fake lost episode to pass the time. A title card of ‘Noddy and the Surprise Holiday’ appeared above a stock opening shot depicting Toyland midday. What ensued what a series of events where the recurring characters ran Noddy ragged to the point of Noddy falling asleep at the wheel. Big Ears found Noddy sleeping along with the massive list of orders and decided to coordinate a surprise party to show the town’s appreciation. The twist, at least by children’s puppet show standards, was the villagers thinking it was a ‘going away party’. After a series of miscommunications, the party became the BBC’s perceptions of an ‘island party’ that included a few questionable depictions. “Better that than Mr. Plod bleeding hyper-realistic blood from his eyes.” Zey decided to finish the episode because of they were already this deep into the plot.

Noddy, deeply confused at the sound of familiar voices from outside of the canvas environment, ventured out hoping to find Big Ears or perhaps even the goblins for the reassurance of any acquaintance. The giant’s dwellings featured tall grasses (the carpet), large temples (tables) and even a portal to Toytown (the television). “All I need to do is climb to the top of that temple. What could I use to climb up there?” Noddy spied a long black rope (power cord) dangling outside of the giant’s view. Noddy’s dash caused his cap bell to ring rather loudly, which seemed to grab the attention of the giant. Noddy dropped to the floor facedown while remaining absolutely still. Judging by the giant’s canine complexion, this giant could merely be a guard dog for an even larger giant.

“Huh?” Zey paused the tape upon hearing Noddy’s bell ringing without the character on-screen. Was it a mistimed sound effect not corrected because the episode was halted? Looking around the room, Zey easily spotted the brightly coloured toy against the beige carpeting. “I nearly forgot that she included the prop.” Zey leaned over from the couch towards the toy. When the stretch proved out of reach, Zey fell to all fours for an easy trot to examine the toy. “Look at yourself, Zey: one kiddie tape and you’re quad-ing this quickly?” A deep sense of embarrassment forced overcorrection from the lapse in civility. What was the most sophisticated thing to do? “I need to make tea for freeform jazz appreciation.” Zey bolted up into an overly firm bipedal stance that made walking into the kitchen take excruciatingly long. True class is NEVER about haste; it is about presence.

Noddy flipped over once the giant’s stilted footsteps echoed in the far distance. “I won’t get so lucky next time! I’d better hurry!” Noddy ran at the fastest speed his toy legs would permit towards the black rope hanging from the portal! Firmly gripping the rubberized rope, Noddy scurried up towards the landing holding the portal. Several of his friends stood still in the portal with the portal strength sporadically glitching. “I’m coming!” Noddy jumped towards freedom… only to slam into the portal screen. “They’re right there. Why can’t I go through?” Noddy knocked on the TV screen trying to grab his friends’ attention. “Can any of you hear me? I see you all frozen there.” Was this the giant’s fiendish magic at play? “I’m not about to give up yet!” Noddy’s repeated attempts to get through the television only resulted in an experience akin to Potterheads at the King’s Cross station.

Zey, holding tea in one hand and a CD-R marked ‘boring music’ in the other, watched Noddy crash into the TV over and over. “Out of all the cursed dolls I've seen you are by far the least subtle one.” The wolf put down the items on a table, mindful to use a coaster for the tea, because class was important. “That LG TV cost me a whole week’s salary.” Zey grabbed Noddy by the collar ceasing the doll’s potential damage to the television panel. “I just HAD to go to the jumble sale today.” Zey set down Noddy on a nearby shelf. “You’re leaving first thing in the morning, understood?”

“Wait, you’re not going to destroy me?” Noddy quickly adjusted his clothing from the ruffled status that the giant’s handling left it in. “Tell me why you froze my friends, then!”

Zey ejected the tape from the VCR. “I was watching a dramatization of your adventures.” The wolf put down the VHS for Noddy to examine. “I’ll guess that the seller plucked you from a magical dimension or made you a golem.” Noddy attempted to crawl into the cassette. “You’re not going to get to Toyland that way, Noddy.”

“You must have some type of magic to stick my friends in there, giant!” Noddy wrapped himself in the magnetic tape. “Use your magic to send me back now!”

“Me? A giant? I’m a runt compared to some other wolves.” Zeydaan's comment caused Noddy’s anxiety to visibly increase. “What I meant to say is that my name is Zeydann; Zey for short. Most of the denizens of this planet are actually hairless apes called humans who vary in height. Civilized wolves are pretty uncommon.” Zey finally took a sip from their tea cup. Overt use of ‘pinky out’ communicated non-verbally enough civility that Noddy’s panic subsided. “In terms of magic, you’ve caught me at an awkward point. I’m not exactly allowed to use magic right now.”

“Why not, Zey?” Noddy found it hard to imagine why a magic wolf couldn’t use their powers. A quick glance at the new moon gave Noddy a hunch. “Does it need to be the full moon for your magic to work?”

“That explanation works for now.” Zey spared Noddy the full story because, without the advent of internet searches, Zey would need a dictionary to explain the more complicated words. “I’m going to have a very busy day tomorrow at work. Could you occupy yourself around my house until I have the time to consult one of my licensed magic friends?” Noddy nodded having taken the completely wrong impression from Zeydaan's story. “Good. Let’s put you somewhere comfortable for the night.” A closet door marked ‘DO NOT OPEN UNTIL 11/11’ seemed perfect. “My order does include wiggle room for extraordinary circumstances.” Placing the tea down, Zey walked over to the door, and opened it wide for Noddy to view inside.

“Golly! Look at all of that!” Noddy stared mesmerized at the countless colors and exotic items contained in the closet. Something resembling a purple witch cloak hung next to a red blade adorned in gold detail and many other references, literally and figuratively, above Noddy’s head. What stuck out to Noddy was a distinct blue cap dangling from a hanger. “Why do you have a giant version of my cap, Zey?”

“Oh, that belongs to my niece.” Zey took down the incriminating cap, ringing the bell in the process, trying to obscure the item. “You know how kids are: wanting their relatives to watch along with them.”

Zeydaan's excuse only confused Noddy because the toy lacked awareness of wider family dynamics. “What’s a niece? Is she in another room?” He leaned his head towards the kitchen. “Oh, I get it! That’s why you were watching the dramatization! Feel free to come out, Zeydaan's ‘niece’!” No additional wolf appeared, much to Noddy’s confusion. “If you only know about me because of your niece and she isn’t here…”

“I was a fan of yours as a pup.” Zeydaan's lie of omission forced clarity stopped Noddy from tearing the house apart looking for a non-existent niece. “It’s actually mine.” Zey slid on the cap for demonstration purposes. “See? It’s even tailored for my head.”

“You’re the fan?” Noddy couldn’t process Zeydaan's contradicting emotions. “Why do you need to hide it if you’re a fan?”

“You wouldn’t understand, Noddy.” Zey removed the cap, fashioning it into an improvised bed. “The fact you don’t understand adulthood’s bizarre quirks.” Placing the ‘bed’ onto the table near Noddy made the intent clear. “It’s bedtime for all of the good toys. You are a good toy, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Zey! I’m a good toy.” Noddy crawled into the bed waiting for Zey to place him into the closet for the night. “I hope your magical friends can come over to play soon.”

“I’ll get back to you on that. Promise.” Zey loaded the bed onto a shelf in the closet near a Chozo item sphere replica. “Good night, Noddy.” Noddy waved back as the wolf closed the door. Zey let out a silent sigh knowing that Noddy’s presence created quite the conundrum. Doing the right thing came with social risks. Should Zey violate the order or admit their fandom to local magical friends? Zey headed to bed feeling too tired to finish the crummy curry.

A Few Hours Later…

Noddy stirred from his bed hearing the sound of a rooster in the distance. In reality, a neighbor’s TV service came back during an ad for a fried chicken restaurant. “Is it morning already?” Atmospheric lighting from the magical items bathed the inside of the closet in wholly unnatural light. Rather than terrify Noddy, the unearthly glows gave him an idea. “I know what I can do! I’ll do the magic myself! What’s the worst that could happen?” Noddy shook the purple witch’s cloak hoping that magical dust would sprinkle off. Surprisingly, a glistening metallic rod dropped to the bottom of the closet. “Is that a magic wand?” Noddy carefully slid down the sword towards the floor. Unknowingly, Noddy’s contact caused the blade’s adorn emerald to glow brightly.

Noddy found that the floor of Zeydaan's closet magically transformed into a grassy field upon contact. The surrounding shelves transformed into a tree while the walls folded out to let in the daylight of noon. “Amazing.” Noddy propped up the magic wand as if he was pitching a tent. “Is this your work, magic wand? I didn’t even need to say anything to travel.” A red-haired woman cleared her throat to grab Noddy’s attention. The toy clung to the wand defensively.

“Relax, Noddy.” The woman shrank down from giant form to the size and style of a Figma articulated figure. “Is this size more to your comfort?”

“You’re a toy that can become giant?” Noddy released his grip once the strange woman became a toy. Granted, she was plastic and, based on the voice, probably a violent American toy. “You must be full of magic!” He unconsciously stared at Pyra’s chest. “How did you know my name?”

“I learned everything about you the moment you touched my blade, Noddy. My name is Pyra and, like you, I yearn to reach another place through Zeydaan's help.” Pyra leaned against the magic wand. “The fun abruptly stopped some time ago. Were we bad? Did Zey outgrow us?”

“You don’t need to worry! I’m sure that Toyland will accept you, Pyra!” Noddy noticed that the sky was different from what he remembered Toyland having. “This is Toyland, isn’t it?” He hoped for Pyra’s reassurance. “Where are we?”

“This is… Fantasy: a land where, long ago, mankind lived in harmony with magic. This is where all ideas that manifest are born. What’s fake becomes real while the real becomes fake. This has been my personal limbo for more time than I can comprehend.”

“If we can figure out this magic wand, I’ll take you to Toyland!” Noddy tried to think of a spell. “Wand, give us joy! Take us to the land of toys!” A few stray sparks fired from the wand. “Don’t force us to do something drastic! Transport us now through magic!” Nothing happened. “Pyra, do you have any rhymes for land?”

“Noddy, I’ll assist you back in the real world if you’ll make a promise.” Pyra pulled a Mega Mushroom from an unseen inventory. “If you promise to take me with you to find out why Zey has been neglecting their shapeshifting forms, I’ll let you temporarily become a giant.” She could tell there was a deeper unspoken reason for Zeydaan's absence that Noddy wasn’t aware of. “As for returning you home, I’ll think on possible option.” She coyly kept the powers of the Aegis close to the chest.

“Fantastic! I’ll do it!” The area surrounding Noddy and Pyra reverted from Fantasy to Zeydaan's closet. Pyra returned to her original height to strategically open the door ahead of placing the Mega Mushroom on the floor outside the closet. Second nature for most gamers proved quite confusing to the toy who probably would mistake ‘Nintendo’ and ‘Sega’ for import plastic model kit companies. “How will this make me a giant, Pyra? I don’t need to eat it, do I?”

“Close your eyes, Noddy.” Pyra took hold of the magic wand. “Think big thoughts.” Once Noddy’s eyes were closed, Pyra tapped the handle end of the wand towards Noddy’s back to cause him to lurch towards the mushroom. Contact with the fungus grew Noddy to the size of an average adult male in a walkaround character costume. “You can open your eyes, Noddy.”

Noddy’s eyes jolted open upon realizing the size spell worked. “You didn’t even need to rhyme! No mushroom breath either!” Noddy’s bell rang quite loudly during Noddy’s celebration. Pyra pulled the cap off as she heard Zey sleeptalking in the other room. “Sorry, I’m not accustomed to making big sound yet.” Noddy pulled the costume cap from the closet that lacked the ringing bell. “Now we’ll be quiet.”

Pyra led the way into Zeydaan's bedroom with Noddy following closely behind. Zeydaan's sleeptalking cycled through various voices of prior forms coming out only semi coherently. “Don’t worry, that’s relatively normal for a shapeshifter.” Pyra held back a giggle the moment Zeydaan's Nia impression started. “It tends to happen when they haven’t transformed recently.” She spotted a stack of papers on Zeydaan's desk. “What do we have here? Don’t tell me that Zey started a novel.” Even in the presence of dim light emanating from Pyra’s body, she could see the phrase ‘shapeshifting probation order’ on the top document. “Oh, I see that it wasn’t personal.” She stroked Zeydaan's head. “Sorry for doubting you, Nia.”

Noddy tilted his head. “What’s a shapeshifter? Is Zey like one of those transforming robot toys?”

“Zey can transform, but I’ve not seen Zey become a robot.” Pyra thought on how to explain transformation concisely. “Zey likes to become what they like. They’ve been you multiple times.” She placed Noddy’s hat onto Zeydaan's head. “It’s a shame that we can’t bypass the order prematurely.”

Seeing the cap on Zey again gave Noddy a childish workaround idea. “What if we transformed Zey into me? There isn’t an order stopping me!” Noddy grabbed the magic wand from Pyra’s hand. “Magic wand, please respond! Turn our wolf friend into a reflection of the hat donned!” Zeydaan's body didn’t react to the spell. “I guess they weren’t lying about an inability to use magic.”

“Let me make a suggestion, Noddy.” Pyra lifted up her hand to mime use of the magic wand. “That wand uses specific spells and I’ll need you to repeat after me. The first spell we’ll cast is a transformation spell called ‘Metamorphie Faciesse’.” Pyra lifted her imaginary wand. “Metamorphie Faciesse!” Noddy’s effort to parrot the spell featured a slight stutter in the second word. Now they waited for the result of the imperfect incantation.

The sheets surrounding Zey began to contract towards Zeydaan's body automatically. Zey doze blissfully unaware that their quilt and bed sheets started to encase around the wolf below the neck. Amorphous blobs of white fabric concentrated in the vague impression of clothing shapes. What the shifting process really needed was some color! Noddy grabbed a pair of scissors from Zeydaan's desk. “Pyra, I’ll need some of your hair for color!”

Pyra let Noddy snip off part of her hair fringe for sprinkling over Zeydaan's fabric cocoon. The crimson hairs bled out akin to a new red shirt in a white linens load. The highest concentration of red centered on the chest area forming an oversized red sleep shirt. Three white buttons migrated from the end of the quilt towards the general collar region. The puffy sleeves went down all the way towards Zeydaan's wrists. What remained of the red traveled downward towards Zeydaan's covered feet.

“It’s almost like a coloring book.” Noddy searched the room for a viable source of blue. “What’s something blue that Zey won’t miss?” Pyra pointed towards a stack of European PS2 game cases in the corner. It was probably the result of earlier shopping or prelude to building a new nightstand out of FIFA games. “Those will do.” Noddy eagerly chucked a dozen copies of FIFA Football 05 onto the bed. Shades of blue drizzled out towards Zeydaan's lower torso below the red shirt. A comfortable, easy to wear, pair of shorts formed that exposed Zeydaan's legs again. This clear separation caused the feet encasing to more readily resemble a pair of bowling shoes sporting blue laces from the last remaining PS2 case. “Make way for yellow!” Noddy chuckled about the progress.

“I know just the volunteer.” Pyra got down on her knees to check for something underneath Zeydaan's bed. She stood up moments later holding a torn yellow crop-top tagged ‘Grey’s Bitch’ in white spray paint. Faster than Noddy could inquire about the graffiti, Pyra tore the garment into two distinct pieces. One she placed near Zeydaan's neck while the other rested around the waist. What remained of the unused white fabric merged the yellow tatters into a yellow neckerchief and belt, respectively. A splash of yellow dripped down to form shoelace eyelets in exchange for red traveling upward to form red polka dots on the neckerchief. Pyra lifted up Zeydaan's Noddy shirt to check on the process of additional changes. Bizarrely, the incantation only succeeded in dressing Zey. “We may need to cast an additional spell.”

Noddy felt a sudden case of intense vertigo. “I don’t feel so good, Pyra.” The world around Noddy massively increased in size again to a point where he dropped the wand in panic. It appeared that the Mega Mushroom’s effect ran out at inopportune time. “Do you have another big mushroom, Pyra?”

“No, unfortunately.” Pyra reclaimed the wand hoping to make the best of the bizarre situation. She’d try magic on Noddy because they were already this deep in the metaphorical hole. “Metamorphie Empfindungsfähiges Spielzeug!” Zeydaan's alarm going off startled Pyra enough to aim the spell towards Zey instead of Noddy. “Oops.”

Zey rolled over to hit the alarm clock that read 5:30. The wolf, still half-asleep, stood up from the bed noticing neither Pyra or Noddy on the floor during the walk towards the lavatory. Pyra took advantage of the confusion to scoop up Noddy from the floor. She braced for Zey reacting to the incomplete spell. “I slept shifted again?” Zey yelled from the next room over. “I was doing so well.” Zey tried removing the Noddy attire in complete vain. “How am I supposed to take a bath when the clothing is fused on?” Zey ran a bath trying to maximize steam generation within the room. Some of the stickiest rubber outfits the wolf had been stuck in practically melted off when exposed to enough steam. Alas, the cotton attire only absorbed water. “I’ll sort this out later.” Zey activated the window fan to clear the steamy bathing area.

“How am I going to cover up like this?” Zey lamented the colorful attire in the mirror. Wringing the shirt almost like a towel made little difference to the ‘poofy’ garment. “I know! I’ll wear a slicker and a Sou’wester to cover the hat. There’s always a chance for rain!” The real challenge would be keeping the outfit on in the office. “I’m going to need Lord Misery to sign the redone paperwork. Maybe if I head in before him, I could get him to sign outside!” Desperate times call for desperate measures. “I should check on Noddy to make sure he’s ok.”

Pyra found hiding in Zeydaan's apartment much harder than anticipated. Apart from the bathroom Zey was in, the bedroom and the closets, there weren’t any other obscuring doors. She ducked near the kitchen counter, placing Noddy down onto the floor. “I have no idea what will happen from that spell I performed.” Pyra heard Zeydaan's footsteps coming out from the bathroom. “Be prepared for anything.”

“Noddy?” Zey, oblivious to the house guests, looked inside of the ‘transformation items’ closet for any sign of the doll. “Did you fall down in the night?” There was no sign of the doll or the hat for that matter. Pyra dashed past Zey towards the bedroom during the wolf’s distracted search. She figured that firing a spell out the window towards Zeydaan's car would be her last chance if Zey dashed out of the apartment. “Did I hallucinate last night?” Zey questioned their memory of the prior night based on how they woke up. “Was it a dream?”

Noddy watched Zey moving in a motion to potentially injure themselves. “Wait! Don’t pinch yourself!” Noddy ran over towards the opened closet. “I came down during the night.”

“Huh?” Zey was startled to not hear Noddy’s bell ringing. “I’m relieved to know that you’re safe. I’m less relieved that I’m dressed like this.” Zey didn’t have the time or heart to explain a ‘wet dream transformation’ to Noddy. “I need to head out early for work. I’ll be back later today.” Zey opened the adjacent ‘mundane’ closet to hastily put on rain wear over the Noddy attire. “Don’t do anything naughty in the meantime.” Zey stuffed a plain piece of bread into their mouth on the way out the door.

“Pyra! Zey left already!” Noddy shouted towards the bedroom. “He’s wearing bright yellow.”

Pyra attached the wand to a Nerf blaster for an impromptu sniper rifle that she aimed out of the window towards Zeydaan's car. “Come on, Pyra. Think of a spell!” She caught a yellow cloaked wolf approach out of the corner of her left eye. “Here goes nothing. Transformy Blamo!” A bolt of arcane magic fired from the wand into Zeydaan's Golf GTI. “Zeydaan's memories indicated that spell is pure Deus Ex Machina.” Apart from the scorching away a pamphlet that someone left under a wiper, the spell didn’t have any immediate effect. Zey stepped into the driver’s seat unaware of Pyra’s overwatch position. Pyra watched the car drive off in apparent defeat. Oddly, Pyra saw the rear license plate shift from its standard UK license plate to a yellow personalized plate reading ‘NODDY 1’.

On the Road with Zey

Not many motorists were out this early in the morning since the sun wasn’t due until 6:45. Lingering darkness hid Zeydaan's shame in the moment; giving the wolf relative thought clarity. If anyone asked, the reason for the outfit could be the result of a pipe bursting in the apartment. Yes, that excuse would be perfect! Everyone can sympathize with needing to wear the only dry thing in the closet. If Zey timed this well enough, everything would be alright. Suddenly, the roof of the car flew off without warning. Zeydaan's 2017 Golf came to a sudden stop in the middle of the road. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Zey stepped out from the stalled car to assess the damage. There was no sign of the roof landing on the street. “Did it land in the bushes?” The Golf started to distort from the aerodynamically sound, if not generic, design towards something far more antiquated. The front lights popped out into external lamps attached to a much larger engine grill that dominated the vehicle’s front. Internally, the four-seat hatchback shrank inwards to make a cramped coupe configuration. Forward and rear fenders exaggerated giving the vehicle a distinctly retro aesthetic. Adding insult to injury, bright yellow and red paint took the place of the previously subdued shade of silver. Zey turned around in time for the rear wheel to migrate from the boot to directly attaching to the back of the car. “How am I going to explain this?”

Zey reluctantly drove the silly car to work because there was no plausible alternative. No one would believe that Zey conveniently debuted a kit car on the same day that a pipe burst. Desperation flooded Zeydaan's psyche: would reporting the vehicle as stolen work to opt out of working? No, that would create a chain of headaches. Wind blowing past the unintended open-top vehicle made the bell ring almost tempting the sleeping populace to stare out their windows. Whatever CCTV footage incidentally recorded on the way to the office put a damper on the ‘stolen car’ excuse. Zey pulled into the parking lot to find Lord Misery turning on outdoor lighting. Too late! Lord Misery saw everything in its brightly-colored farce.

“Whatever do you mean by this?” Lord Misery raised an eyebrow, a vulgar remark in HIGH society, at the sight before him. “If this is your idea of a joke, I insist you desist immediately.” He opened a reference book of employees named and flipped through to find the wolf’s name. “Zed-yan, you’re already on thin ice. We’re a professional firm handling policies rather than a circus wasting everyone’s time!” A note on Zeydaan's employee reference page mentioned the quirk of shapeshifting. “Make like a prep school and transform yourself into a proper member of society!”

“Lord Misery, there was a plumbing issue in my flat…” Zey knew that the excuse wouldn’t work on the boss. “I need you to resign the contract for the Blyton account.” Any attempt to perform serious work in the attire only exasperated the absurdity. “Ok, I’ll tell you how it really is, Lord. I did a good deed for someone on my lunch break yesterday, it came back to bite me and I’m stuck in this outfit. Check my timesheets if you want to claim I was slacking off.”

“Now I see the real mistake you made, Zed.” Lord Misery persisted using an incorrect name. “You showed weakness in helping whoever did this to you. I would expect more killer instinct from a wolf, but thought incorrectly.”

Zey threw down the papers. "You're right, cowering to someone like you isn't my instinct." Probation conditions be damned, Zey didn’t need to put up with this shit. "Good day, sir!" Stepping back into the silly car undersold the indignity significantly. Zey pulled out from the parking lot before the Lord had a chance to process the resignation. "That's one crisis deferred..." Now what could Zey do about the car? A glowing neon sign belonging to an independent garage seemed to offer a solution.

"Let me get this straight... Your car transformed on its own into this form.” A male mechanic took ‘before’ photos of the car to document the unique case. “I’ll imagine that the clown getup came with whatever caused this, right?” Zey silently nodded as the mechanic verbally gave the wolf an excuse for the attire. “You’re lucky to have come to the one garage in town that understands how weird shapeshifting accidents can be.” The mechanic pointed to a photo of him alongside a claymation character. “Some art school reject turned my brother into Wallace from Wallace and Gromit over a cheese dispute. He only goes full clay now if he hasn’t had cheese in a week thanks to a counter spell a witch cast.”

Claymation didn’t fit Zey or their friends’ usual M.O’s in terms of random transformations. Hearing that a witch provided a solution gave Zey some hope for an ‘out’ from the costume. Zey spotted the mechanic’s name tag. “Carl, you wouldn’t happen to have that witch’s contact info, would you?” One skill learned in the office was that using someone’s name in a command increased the likelihood of compliance. “I do have an important meeting this afternoon for my start-up.”

“I was gonna call her anyway to flush the pixie dust from your car’s hydraulics.” Carl pulled the dipstick from the car’s engine. Glitter fell from the stick onto the cement garage floor. “It’s as if Pinkie Pie and Poppy sabotaged your engine.” He pulled a lint roller from his coveralls. “I have daughters at home in their sparkles phase. What was the witch’s name again? I’m sure her card is somewhere on the board in my office.”

“Thanks. Sorry again about the accidental glitter bomb.” Zey galumphed towards the office trying to avoid ringing the hat bell. Carl’s notice board was well-organized into the distinct groups of ‘suppliers’, ‘repeat clients’ and ‘other’. A glowing purple card in the corner seemed a clear sign of witchcraft until Zey discovered the card belonged to a pearlescent paint seller. Among a group of ‘psychic paper’ business cards was an understated card that simply read ‘Madam Macabre – 0118 123456’. “It is time to find out if she’s the same witch from the sale.” Zey dialed the number on their mobile phone promptly.

Macabre’s phone rang to wake her from slumber. She took hold of the phone, checked the time and answered. “The time is 6:35, caller. This better be important or else you’re going to become an apology gift basket.” A stack of empty baskets in the corner of her room helped to explain the regional decrease in telemarketing. “Out with it.”

“It is you, Macabre. We met at your booth yesterday. Do you remember the wolf you gave the Noddy stuff to? I need you to undo an embarrassing transformation, please.”

“I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon, Zey.” Macabre could tell from the distress in the voice that something bad had happened. A snap of the fingers transformed her sleep attire into her casual outdoor wear. “Place your phone down on the ground with the screen up. Data charges may apply if you are roaming.” She waited to hear the distinct ‘thud’ from placing a phone on the floor on the other end of the call. Macabre, firmly grasping her own phone, drew a portal using her free hand to jump instantly to Zeydaan's location. She arrived facing away from Zey. “Let’s take a look at the damage.” A slow turn gave her a chance to see Zeydaan's incomplete transformation. “Something is very wrong, indeed.” Tugging on Zeydaan's hat confirmed that the costume wouldn’t come off.

“Could you fix this? Steam made no difference in the shower.” Zey frowned. “My car transformed on the way to work. How can I live like this? How could I explain this to the officer working my case?”

“I have one idea that could work.” Macabre leaned out of the office to call on Carl. “Carl, grab that industrial saw you use on panel work.” A frightening whirring noise in the distance confirmed the mechanic found the power tool. “There’s nothing an autopsy can’t fix. I hope you have an extra life ready, Zey.”

“An autopsy?” Zey stumbled back into the corner. “Is that truly necessary?” Carl walked into the room revving the saw. Zey closed their eyes in panic from the imminent invasive surgery. Abruptly, the saw stopped.

“Huh, real fear didn’t do the trick?” Macabre ruled out the Simpsons solution to stuck-on absurdity. “Fear sweat undoes most involuntary transformations.” She ran a finger along the neck of Zeydaan's shirt to feel the wolf’s frequency. “Now I feel the problem: this was a transformation ‘from the heart’. There’s not much I can do to counteract what you deeply desire.”

“Deeply desire? I don’t desire any of this!” Zey stood up defiantly. “I lost my job, will probably violate my probation and be stuck like this!” The wolf squeezed the transformation patch in an effort to rekindle enough power to tear the costume off. “I want this bloody costume off now!” Zeydaan's frantic gesture only resulted in the wolf coughing up a group of stop-motion animated bees. “How did Tessie’s bees get in there?” Zeydaan's voice altered in pitch to a more childish tone. “Huh? Why am I sounding like this?”

“Tessie is one of the other Noddy characters, Zey.” Macabre shooed away the animated bees. “Your crumbling resistance only shows that this is what you want.” She knew that the only way to undo a transformation this rooted in the psyche was borderline mind break. “Why are you resisting what might make you happy?” She felt that easing Zey into Noddy-dom was the only humane option. “I could easily perform reality alteration if you’re afraid people won’t accept you.”

“You’re a fraud if you can’t undo this!” Zey attempted to shift blame entirely on the witch. “Why even give me the doll to punish me? All I did was walk in front of those thieves.” The wolf’s attempt to cast offensive transformation magic backfired immensely. Zeydaan's head inflated into an almost perfect sphere shape that lost clumps of fur rapidly. Despite that sudden growth, the rest of their body shrank into a smaller, more compact form. Facial features melted off leaving incredibly basic facial details in their place. Exaggerated red cheeks painted on that left Zey in a permanent state of blushing. “Look what you made me do!” Instead of opening Zeydaan's mouth, the shape of the mouth itself switched on the fly to give the impression of movement. “Change me back now!”

“You’re too far gone for me to counter the process, ‘Noddy’.” Macabre conjured up a vacuum to hoover up Zeydaan's fur on the floor of the office. Zey panicked watching the witch’s mouth move and no sound coming to their ears. On reflection, Zey found no ears at all on the rounded, distorted head. Desperately, the wolf broke a doughnut from the desk to form ears that melded onto their head. “Are you even listening?” Macabre’s rant was loud and clear to Zey. “Good, I won’t need to repeat the answer.”

“What?” Zeddy shrieked. “I couldn’t hear you. Please repeat what you said.” Mundane shades of brown overtook the bits of remaining hair/fur peeking out from under the cap. Wolf claws gave way to artificial hands reminiscent of a plastic doll. In a final insult, Zeydaan's tail fell off to become a stack of ‘missing wolf’ posters. “Huh?” Zeddy took the top poster to examine it closely. “What good will these do?”

Macabre took hold of the poster from Zeddy. “What a clever, if not naughty, way to give yourself an alibi. If Zeydaan the wolf vanishes mysterious after a fight with their boss, the boss will naturally be the first suspect. From there I only need to do a small bit of reality manipulation to ensure the authorities are too embarrassed to pursue questioning you. Why would any member of the police risk being compared to Mr. Plod?” Zeddy’s painted-on eyes lit up from the implication. The time as Noddy would provide a holiday from the pressing obligations that left Zey in the rut. Zeddy would be a fool not to embrace the opportunity. “Now tell me… Wouldn’t it be easier to be Noddy?”

Carl powered down the garage’s surveillance system unprovoked. “Oh, it’s another one of those data outages. I figure the last thirty minutes of footage is lost for good.”

“I do suppose Noddy wouldn’t be on the hook for any problems tied to Zey, would he?” Zeddy grabbed Zeydaan's phone from the ground after a few attempts. The plastic hands proved quite slippery on the device, managing to hit the ‘Siri’ button. “What’s a toy like me to do with a car and no job?” The phone automatically opened up the Uber app for driver application. “Driving around random people from place to place with no direct exchange of funds? Why does that sound so familiar?”

“Think of me as your first passenger, Noddy.” Macabre took hold of the ‘missing wolf’ posters. “I’ll distribute these on the way to your apartment. We don’t want the mini-Noddy to worry about your Noddification, now do we?”

“I’ll be honored to have you be my passenger, Miss!” Noddy dashed towards his car in the servicing area. “Carl, I’ll drive you later to make up for this service!”

“He sure gave in quickly, didn’t he?” Carl shook his head. “Make way for Noddy, indeed.”

Macabre stuffed a few Pound notes into the mechanic’s pocket. “If anyone asks, a witch from Tyne and Wear forced you to comply.” She made her way to the passenger’s seat of the car. “I’ll give you enough cover that not even a Toyland detective could see through your ruse, Noddy.” The brightly colored car drove out from the garage into the dawning morning.

Several Stops Later

Pyra heard the lock to Zeydaan's apartment unlock far earlier than expected. She covered her face in the worst attempt at hiding ever. Macabre found this display to be amusingly absurd. “We can see you, Pyra.” Macabre walked into the kitchen where she found the much smaller Noddy on the counter. “It’s time for you to go back to Toyland, Noddy #2. We all know the behavior you Noddy’s are prone to when there are multiples in play.”

“Noddy #2? Does that mean?” The smaller Noddy spotted the larger Noddy walk into the apartment. “Are they finally happy?”

“Yes, thanks to you.” Macabre carefully scooped up small Noddy in her hands. “I will send him back to Toyland back at my residence. Pyra, I expect you to keep Noddy #1 in check for the rest of Zeydaan’s probation period. Don’t think I forgot why I turned you into that Aegis replica in the first place.”

A flood of repressed memories hit Pyra all at once. “You don’t need to worry about us, Mistress.” Pyra pulled Noddy close to her. “We’re going to be the best of toy friends, aren’t we?” Macabre walked off satisfied knowing that a good deed had been rewarded whether Zey wanted to admit it or not.

Noddy tilted his head in confusion. “She transformed you as well?”

“It’s a long story, Noddy.” Pyra slumped onto the couch. “Maybe I’ll tell you another time.”